Sunday, 16 April 2017

The continual journey of forgiveness..

As I am laying in the dark, no light, quietness in the house, fan whirling above me, resting and having a moment of contemplation before another day.

This exact moment reminds me of 2014 New Years evening. Laying in the dark in bed early resting, it was quiet and still. I couldn't have thought of a more ideal moment. Peaceful alone time and content.

More and more in my life, I am enjoying these quiet moments. I find that now I am in a place to reflect and grow. It helps me with my healing as I have at times, held onto stuff I should have let go (way after it's used by date) Before I hated quiet time as my mind would run with bitterness, so I kept super busy.

Forgiveness is the ultimate key to your freedom. Forgiveness is a submission of yr own heart to begin to heal. I know, it can sound a little wishy washy, but taking the first step to not only forgive others, but also to forgive yourself is a massive turning point.

I have struggled on many times and even now have to take a step back when the whirl wind of life throws a curve ball at me, but have a think is it YOU who is suffering or the other person?

I have heard this many a time and I am sure you too have heard, but "un forgiveness is like drinking someone else's poison and expecting them to die ". Ouch!!!! Remember your in control of yr life, your heart and take back that territory.

Life is a continue journey of choices as we live in a society of people all who are human... Shock horror and all far from perfect (including ourselves ) You will not always agree with their actions or understand why they do the things they do... Try not to be bitter twisted and angry...

Lol, I have used the boxing bag and taken all my frustrations out at the gym on many occasions, and to this day go and smash out a hardcore training session. It's a healthy release and a way to get all that pent up frustration and emotion out... The gym has been my saving grace!!

I have had to do so much forgiveness in my life (and still do) with so many people and to this day,still have to walk in my own words. I have found that holding a grudge or bitterness actually spills out to all areas of yr life. Then bad and unhealthy decisions/choices are made... Does this ring a bell to you? I know that in myself when I was at my worst stage, I made terrible choices and the actions and words that came out of my mouth were unhealthy.

I could write so much more on this... As per usual when I put life to my thoughts, I will be challenged in this area. It's about integrity of character and making choices to a healthier mindset life and outlook.

Your choose. Today again I choose to look at my heart and continually work to get rid of un forgiveness and bitterness. When you bump into a person that triggers something, breath then breath again....

2014 is going to be a year to breath...

Felicity xxx

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Shame is NOT the truth

SHAME is NOT the truth... it is 100% LIE. It takes away your freedom, your very breath, self value and... from being the true and amazing person you have been born to be....
I had to write this as the more I have been thinking about it, the more it has been exposed in my life and more and more people have been opening up and sharing with me their struggles.  We all have them. x

I am not an expert in the research of shame, but I do know this,  that I have lived with shame and at times crippling shame on and off for many years of my life. This ugly ugly emotion (if you want to call it one) caused so many problems throughout my adult life.

I was ashamed of who I was, ashamed of my actions, ashamed of the pain I had caused, ashamed ashamed ashamed...... and through this shame I covered it up and made more bad decisions and created more bad behavior.

One bad decision can get way out of control. It can spiral to an unknown place and then can lead to more bad decisions..... "I am not worthy or good enough"... "I have been rejected by friends, family, boyfriends, work colleagues, no one understands who I am or what I am going through" etc... Oh the shame of it all.... Has anyone else been here?? (keep reading)

Well I think this is all a load of crap that needs to be totally thrown out the window and people must understand that shame is an absolute lie. I am so passionate about this, but I really want to speak out and encourage people that if we allow shame to dictate the directions and decisions in our lives... we have NO hope... I mean why be dictated to and have a foundation that is negative and will bring about further pain and destroy relationships and total self worth??

Shame is one of the most debilitating feelings/emotions, and it can be the root of so many situations in our lives, it can cross over so many different areas from academia, sexual expression, faith, failure in a marriage and relationships, addictions, career, situational pain, past decisions, loss grief, not being good enough or causing embarrassment to others and the list goes on. Anyone with me?

We can talk about shame from our own personal lense, but also the "shame" that can be projected onto us from others. They are embarrassed of the behavior or action, "what would others think of them if they were linked to you"? Am I making sense here? Sometimes the sense of shame is actually the projection from another s own insecurity.

I have lived under so much shame and carried it for so many years and it has been really debilitating. Through grasping the concept that shame is a lie, and NOT healthy I have been able to work through, talk about situations and have given myself a break. Sometimes I look back and some of the stuff that I was ashamed about and carried for so many years..... was not my stuff to carry.....

Even now the concept of stepping out and writing (what may not be correct academic writing, nor do I speak to the standards of the academics or critics) but why should I be ashamed or stop what has been placed in my spirit for the uncertainty or the constraints that some people in society may possibly place upon me?

No one is perfect and the fact that like me (and thousands of other before) we are stepping out to create a platform for our voice. We will fail in some areas, we will not always live up to the standards or others, but that should NEVER hold us back and make us feel ashamed!!

Failure is what makes people who they are vulnerable, amazing, courageous.... Learn, fail, grow.... learn, fail, grow...

Time to learn about failure (it is ok) and then take a lesson to grow.... help people to grow out of shame...  Do you think we can collectivity do this... show love compassion, guidance and tell a story and try to kick shame to the curb?

Would love to hear your thoughts. x

Bless ya
Me xx

If you are interested in joining me on Facebook link onto the links below. x

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

The vulnerability task...

The whole concept of vulnerability has been such a 'bad' word in my life that I (have in the past) made damn sure that I did not show vulnerability as I saw it as a weakness. I mean how hard is it to ask for help, actually reach out a hand for someone to walk along side you, or the idea that we are not perfect and if people see the imperfections, it is ok.... 

Sure we make mistakes and at times ask the wrong people for help, but really everyone makes wrong and incorrect choices. If we do not step back out there into the wide world, dust the dirt off and get back up OVER and OVER again we may miss out on something amazing and beautiful. The main tool in life is to get back up and get back out there, and this takes courage.

I think vulnerability goes hand in hand with authenticity.. do you? Why is it that we struggle so much with authenticity and vulnerability? I know especially as a Solo Mum I have wanted to be a superhero and unbreakable... but I have came crashing down many times...... BANG!!!

I have been on this uncomfortable journey for some time, and working through the acceptance of who I am and allowing myself to be raw and vulnerable at times, this has made me more aware of the importance of authenticity and vulnerability for freedom and healing.

If we allow ourselves to be transparent and allow the walls to come down and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and not 'NUMB', we can open up our world. Controlling, manipulative behaviour and hiding behind a mask are all about pushing down all the yucky stuff and not wanting to show people the pain and insecurities... "I must be in control, I can not lose, I have to win, Got to keep it together"... It is a total power struggle...

I know when I started writing these blogs and also taking my wellness page to a more authentic level, my heart started to pound and I felt very exposed and vulnerable. Many people close to me questioned my intentions and wondered why I was stepping out to 'expose' my journey. This actually caused some conflict. 

I just wanted to share a journey of authenticity and maybe someone out there would say "you know that is just like me" or "I am glad you are having the courage to tell your story... Now I can be truly honest with were I am at". Storytelling is a powerful way of exchanging information and it needs to come from the heart... this is what people want to hear.

We tend to block out vulnerability as we see it as a weakness or we could be rejected or hurt in this place. You know the people that move forward, are happy and are authentic, they allow themselves to be vulnerable in different circumstances. 

What I mean by this is asking someone out, talking to new people, changing jobs, sharing feelings, speaking up, putting in boundaries (with the uncertainty of people not liking it), or just trying something new, sometimes it is just taking that step out of your comfort zone or taking a healthy risk.

I am NOT talking about vulnerability and abuse... this is totally another level and unhealthy..

You know emotions can be overwhelming and debilitating at times. I know I have had surging emotions, and wanted to hide and not show people that I was vulnerable at that moment. I was worried of what they would think, so had to take back the power and control over the situation... Is this speaking to others out there? I actually think it is more powerful and freeing just to walk away and let it go, easier said than done (and less exhausting).

So many of us don't want to feel heightened emotion so we numb it out with another activity... Does this make sense or ring a bell? Some people work, drink, take drugs, multiple partners, high risk adventures etc.... just to keep super busy and not allow themselves to just sit in the emotion and say "this is ok to be here, and feeling like this".... why??? 

Because maybe we are unable to commit, and be vulnerable with another person?.... or we do not want anyone to know the REAL person... "If they fully knew me they might not like me?"

The thing about vulnerability is that joy and happiness can stem from here. Do not underestimate the value...  The major thing with vulnerability is knowing YOU ARE ENOUGH..... you are worthy and valued....

So to tie all this together as there is alot going on.... Vulnerability is NOT the enemy, it is the cross roads to healing and the courage and confidence to be authentic in that moment. If someone abuses or mistreats you, have the strength to walk away and then the courage not to put up the walls again.... YOU ARE ENOUGH.. valued and all together wonderful.

Break down those walls.... have people in your world to help you on this journey, and to kick you in the butt if you start to be false and put the walls back up...

Jericho and the walls are a crumbling down... Maybe this is why I called my son Joshua as he has totally broken my walls down.... It is a continual journey, and remember that humans are very complex and are multi leveled... it takes time to be authentic in all areas on your life.... Be kind to yourself.x

Bless ya
Felicity xx

Monday, 27 January 2014

Being misunderstood

The impact of being bullied and being misunderstood runs so deeply that it can make or break you in life. In this blog, I do not really want to go into all the ugly details, or make light of the devastation of being misunderstood, but communicate more a story and something to think about.

You know, sometimes we just need to take a moment and look at our own unhealthy quick judgements (this can be about others or ourselves). I know that I am sometimes quick to judge, and misread situations and people, and am too on a journey to change my worldview and mindset. We are all learning and growing as we allow ourselves to open our minds.

I guess by being more careful, respectful (and in many cases just taking the time to listen and get to know the person) a new understanding will open up. We are all so uniquely different and changing our own worldview takes time and awareness.

I was listening to a talk back radio station the other day on one of my trips to work, and heard an interview from one of Australia's top journalists, Lisa Wilkinson and her story about being bullied. She was a very good ballerina and that was her aim in life, however she was bullied and it became physical. When she finished year 12 she can remember thinking... "I can now leave all this behind and start afresh". A really powerful story .

I was misunderstood at school for being different. In fact the bullying and teasing got so bad that at one stage I was about to move schools and my Mum had to intervene. I spent my time as a volunteer in the library in the morning, just to get away from the girls, this was all when I was in year 7.

For the rest of my school years the relationships were always strained and even now people walk by, which is ok. I sometimes wonder what it was that I represented or did that upset them so much to treat me or make this judgement on me? Hurting people hurt people...

I was brought up in a middle class household of teachers from an English background. I was always singing, dancing and playing the Flute. I was so musical creative, strong willed and had a slight English accent. I was told I was posh, didn't fit in, stuck up, full of myself and all the horrible words that people say to others when someone is different.

During my high school years, I always struggled with being different, I was not sporty, cool, beautiful enough or wore the right clothes. I was independent had different interests and influences and many times felt so alone and lacked confidence in who I was. There were only a handful of friends, that loved me and stood by me all through these years. To this day we are all still really close friends.

Being totally misunderstood can be heart breaking, and it doesn't stop when you leave school... It happens throughout yr life. The devastating thing about being misunderstood is that people make quick judgements if you do not fit in with their worldview, they bully and use intimidation towards you as YOU do something that unsettles their world.....

It might even be a challenge..... Yes, that is it YOU challenge their narrow mindset of their world view and they feel uneasy and unsettled.... something is happening and they do not know how to handle it.

Bullying and being misunderstood happens all through our life, it never stops.....I will not get into the horrible mess, but many of my decisions and actions have been a backlash of wanting to fit in and be popular and find my way in life. This is not an uncommon story.

I am not saying that I can justify my actions through being misunderstood, and I carried all this crazy stuff, but it trickles into your life from time to time... Sometimes at the crucial decision making time!!! Anyone with me on this ?

I know this story is not uncommon to so many people and I can write so much more on this topic and even the stories.

The thing that I have noticed with life is that so many of the people who were misunderstood at school have taken time to heal, but have become some of the most influential spokespeople in our society

I guess many of my passions and focuses in life, come from lessons....... then go from strength to strength. It hasn't been a smooth journey, but I have learnt and grown and gained skills, grown in my faith and gained tools to better manage situations. It's about empowering people with skills to overcome the spoken lies.

So at the end of the day... stay true to who you are, and if you challenge other people through holding true to your core beliefs and are happy then let them go.... Easier said than done... I know!!

Hope this makes sense....

Peace xx

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Metamorphosis and the rhythm of life

Metamorphosis.....and.... The rhythm of life...

I absolutely love this word and the meaning behind it. The caterpillar goes into a cocoon and comes out a magnificent butterfly. How amazing is this when we can transfer this concept into our lives? The idea that we can have time to heal, replenish discover who we are then enter the world with beauty and wholeness...

Opening up your world and stepping into the unknown can bring about so many amazing experiences and creates colour and a discovery of who you are...

What I wrote yesterday, last week, last month last year are all like a history book of these moments. This is why I called it a Lifestyle Journey... As we do evolve and go into metamorphosis, so does our work, our ideas, our concepts on life and relationships. We are ever evolving and the more positive we get the better it gets, we become healthier in our out look on life. 

Something has changed in my spirit and I feel I can fly again. My world has opened up in an amazing way, and I am thinking and watching and just want to write and have more experiences, meet more people and learn more.....It is a very cool and empowering place to be.

Finding an outlet for my ideas has given me wings!!! I am now putting it to good use and allowing creativity to flow. This blog and my wellness page has given me a platform and space to direct all these ideas concepts and chatter. I know I am a deep thinker, and some may find it alittle overwhelming, but I am who I am for a reason, just have to work with me xx

After coming to the realisation that I needed to step out and step up with the next season of my life and actually make it happen,  I have been able to start this next journey, and so far it has been really healing. I was explaining to my friend the other day that this blog and my page is continually evolving.

So my point to all this is, that we as a total person, are continually evolving and moving with the rhythms of life. I am glad that my writing and focuses have changed, it shows that my world is opening up. Do not be ashamed of what has past, but look to the beauty that is evolving in your life and celebrate this!

Am I concerned or going to delete the mistakes, the old ways or try to cover anything up?? No... does the butterfly break up the cocoon it came out off? No it leaves it there to show where it has been, then it takes off and lives its life.....

So here it all is... open for everyone to see.... a creative platform an explosion of a new self and a stepping into a colourful world full of new experiences to discover....

Go out and experience the rhythm of life....

Felicity xx

Thursday, 9 January 2014

Mystical power of music

Music and dance..... there is something powerful and mystical about music... it can transport you....

Never let go of the heart beat of your foundation... for me it has been music.... bring back the primal heartbeat...xx

Music is by far is the most powerful emotional mover, it can transform a mood, bring back memories, bring people to tears and get people celebrating, worshiping and dancing. Even as a young child I have had a love affair with all different types of music from classical, rock to world music...... Every stage of my life has been represented by a musical genre.

Growing up I always had music around me, especially with my Mum playing in a folk band. She sang and played the guitar. I remember jam sessions at our house, all this cool music happening around me. To this day there are break out jam sessions, now J is involved playing the drums or percussion.

I remember as a young child always singing and dancing it was a sense of freedom and joy. My Grandfather on my Mother's side had an amazing tenor voice as did his Father, (we have to this day recordings of them singing). Music has been such a huge part of my life, I was classically trained in singing and also the flute. I remember there was talk to send me to the conservatorium of music, but I had to pick up a third instrument, and it was too late at that stage.

To this day still I sing (every day) to pretty much everything and it lifts my spirits, makes my heart light up. I hear a song and my entire mood can change by the beauty of music. There is so much to be said about music therapy and having music around for a healthy brain and lightness of spirit. You can dance, let yourself go, be free in that moment of the power of the music. I love seeing my son dancing and singing and being free....

So many other cultures have music integrated in their lives that it brings communities together and the amazing joy that it brings them. I was watching a documentary last night on Brazil and how the music from the black slaves, the natives and the Portuguese have created this powerful cultural base for life. This is totally what it is all about...

I have been stepping back into my music and it has healed my heart and lifted my spirits beyond what I could imagine. I love dancing and the freedom it brings, so here is the entire point... lol.... Never let go of the heart beat that you have been brought up with. Sometimes life gets in the way, and you let your passions and the things that ignite your passion to go, but it will bring you to a standing holt in your life and bring sadness.

Step back into the mystery of music, allow it to lift your spirits and dance... time to bring back the freedom of the primal heart beat...

Time to now get some music mixes ready for my spin classes.... I love it!!

Felicity xxx

Saturday, 4 January 2014

Authenticity v's perfectionism

Ooohhhhh, abit of a big heading today.... Try saying that five times after a glass of wine!! lol. I dare you! Today's blog is an insight into a very personal journey of mine that I have been struggling with for years, in so many areas of my life.... Trying to create an appearance of being all together, when my spirit was unsettled and suffocated..

Do you find that in your life you go through seasons of re-fining or particular learning stages?. What I mean about this is that you are surrounded by 'that' particular thing that drives you mad!! It is like this lesson needs to be learnt. This destructive mindset needs to be out of your life so you can move into the next season. Time to open your eye's, learn and move on.... should be that easy... I wish!!!!

I have butted heads with people for years or had situations in my life that made me think.. "I really need to sort this out"... High expectations and the facade of trying to be perfect.. It is bloody exhausting, to act in a way so other people are not rattled or feel unsettled. Not wanting to say things or do things that upset others... "What will people think?"

Recently I have been surrounded by many re-fining situations, which have really made me look at myself and also others in a healthier way. Not in a butting of heads situation, but more like, "I don't actually agree with you anymore", and standing up for myself MY voice to be heard. No longer am I just accepting the opinion of others because I doubt my own inner responses.

I do not want to live in the denial of who I am and live with the anxiety of unsettling others. Is this making any sense to you or do you relate to this? I know it is abit deep for a Sunday morning, but it has been burning in my spirit and I had to write it.... xx

How does this all relate to authenticity v's perfectionism... Well I am not perfect!!! I do not always act accordingly in all situations, I stuff up, I make mistakes, I am human, this does not make me a bad person, I might not always say the right thing, I sometimes say the most inappropriate things and I do not always dress up and put makeup on before going out to the shops and the gym!

You know, I have come to the realisation that I stuff up!!! It does not make me unworthy, nor does it make me a bad person. When you get to a stage in your life that you know WHO you are, you know what you are about and STOP trying to be all together perfect and just sit into who you are this is where the magic happens... You become authentic... The anxiety will decrease, the panic attacks will go and depression or the low days will go....

Here's to authenticity... perfectionism and ALL unhealthy expectations can be flung out the window..... Start the journey back to you today.... Let the metamorphosis begin....

Felicity xxxx