SHAME is NOT the truth... it is 100% LIE. It takes away your freedom, your very breath, self value and... from being the true and amazing person you have been born to be....
I had to write this as the more I have been thinking about it, the more it has been exposed in my life and more and more people have been opening up and sharing with me their struggles. We all have them. x
I am not an expert in the research of shame, but I do know this, that I
have lived with shame and at times crippling shame on and off for many years of my life. This ugly ugly emotion (if you want to call it one) caused so many problems throughout my adult life.
I was ashamed of who
I was, ashamed of my actions, ashamed of the pain I had caused, ashamed
ashamed ashamed...... and through this shame I covered it up and made
more bad decisions and created more bad behavior.
One bad decision can get way out of control. It can spiral to an unknown place and then can lead to more bad decisions..... "I am not worthy or good enough"... "I have been rejected by friends, family, boyfriends, work colleagues, no one understands who I am or what I am going through" etc... Oh the shame of it all.... Has anyone else been here?? (keep reading)
Well I think this is all a load of crap that needs to be totally thrown out the window and people must understand that shame is an absolute lie. I am so passionate about this, but I really want to speak out and encourage people that if we allow shame to dictate the directions and decisions in our lives... we have NO hope... I mean why be dictated to and have a foundation that is negative and will bring about further pain and destroy relationships and total self worth??
Shame is one of the most debilitating feelings/emotions, and it can be the root of so many situations in our lives, it can cross over so many different areas from academia, sexual expression, faith, failure in a marriage and relationships, addictions, career, situational pain, past decisions, loss grief, not being good enough or causing embarrassment to others and the list goes on. Anyone with me?
We can talk about shame from our own personal lense, but also the "shame" that can be projected onto us from others. They are embarrassed of the behavior or action, "what would others think of them if they were linked to you"? Am I making sense here? Sometimes the sense of shame is actually the projection from another s own insecurity.
I have lived under so much shame and carried it for so many years and it has been really debilitating. Through grasping the concept that shame is a lie, and NOT healthy I have been able to work through, talk about situations and have given myself a break. Sometimes I look back and some of the stuff that I was ashamed about and carried for so many years..... was not my stuff to carry.....
Even now the concept of stepping out and writing (what may not be correct academic writing, nor do I speak to the standards of the academics or critics) but why should I be ashamed or stop what has been placed in my spirit for the uncertainty or the constraints that some people in society may possibly place upon me?
No one is perfect and the fact that like me (and thousands of other before) we are stepping out to create a platform for our voice. We will fail in some areas, we will not always live up to the standards or others, but that should NEVER hold us back and make us feel ashamed!!
Failure is what makes people who they are vulnerable, amazing, courageous.... Learn, fail, grow.... learn, fail, grow...
Time to learn about failure (it is ok) and then take a lesson to grow.... help people to grow out of shame... Do you think we can collectivity do this... show love compassion, guidance and tell a story and try to kick shame to the curb?
Would love to hear your thoughts. x
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